paradoxinsomnia

2008-05-05T13:41:00.000-07:00

Sincere apologies. With another post being written in a state of pain and anguish, in no way do the thoughts mentioned there reflect my character. It was a state of mind, a point in time and a feeling. A feeling that can be worked upon, or best forgotten.

What do you expect when your average day starts at 7:30 am (any standard time!), only when you’ve slept the previous night not before 4 am. Who do you think will understand? Not you for sure. Anyways. I will be the best. This is just the beginning. How old am I? 23? C’mon! What were you doing when you were 23? Let me know J

Disaster!

2008-04-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

I seem to be losing sanity by the day/hour/minute/second! Today was a maddening day - car broke down not once, not twice, not even thrice but four freakin times :( wasted close to half a day running from one mechanic to another. vendors were after my life - for inputs, artworks, approvals and worst of all for payments. clients happily chose to sit mum; today was a listed holiday after all. when the going gets tough, no one really wants to understand; god included. walking through weird alleys swarmed with flies, cows and dirty plates, today being some bhandara, people all over town had to dish out food under tents today only. so much so for driving 20 kms to the printing press and finding it locked. still managed to keep my cool. car showed signs of giving way again. this time i didnt stop and took a chance. distributed promotional collateral material for one of the big brands on my client list. ran into college friends and awkward moments. finally finished work and realised hadn't eaten lunch. didn't feel like eating. vendor called again. idiot. spoke to him in the middle of connaught place while driving. looked around. no cops. was waiting at the red light to go home. took the left and was greeted by thullas. left turn not free. challan hoga. driving license was a copy. gave him a sob story about being unaware of traffic rules. unluckily had money in the wallet but was determined not to give it. they sent me to an atm to withdraw cash for the challan. went in and transfered all the money into my jean's pocket leaving a hundred and thirty bucks in the wallet. inserted blocked credit card into the atm and the slip read 'transaction declined' :) happily took the slip and went to the cop with a frown.. paise nahin hai.. card bhi decline ho gaya.. (i felt like the smartest man alive).. gave him the 100 and he let me go..

its 2 30 am.. still working.. i think i should hire someone.. looking for the right 'candidate'.. anyone interested?

p.s. credit card guy was constantly calling.. got a settlement done.. clearing dues tomo :) one card out of the way.. watch this space for more!

2008-04-13T11:58:00.001-07:00

Learning to fly

2008-04-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

Each junction in life is a learning experience in itself - I have learnt quite a few lessons - lessons that I have mugged up in my heart. I will not go back into the past but will learn from it. I will not make the same mistakes again but will continue to make new ones. I will not do things the way they are meant to be done but will look at newer and more interesting ways of going about it.

My type of stereotype-d!

2008-04-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Perfect time to blog on this topic - specially when I am quite 'desperate' to take a break and just be with myself. Cut off ties with everyone. Not be answerable. Be unreachable. And do my own thing. I like being on my own and I'd rather strut off by myself then be in a group of people who follow a time table on vacation. I am not going to wake up at 9 am and I am not going to sleep at night if I don't want to. Its my vacation and I am not in freaking school. Either you're my type or you're stereotyped. Let me do what I want to do - what I feel like doing - and what I have longed to do the entire year.

I will start my day with a bottle of beer. I will end my day after passing out on a bottle of rum. If I don't want to eat I won't. I will stay plugged in to my kind of music. I will talk to only those people who I like and freakin ignore the ones I don't like. Its my holiday and I will do what I feel like doing. I will get drunk and go on walks and not come back if I don't want to.

I will not care about what people will say or how they feel - because isn't that what we anyways do 360 days in a year. On my holiday, I care two hoots!

I will make things work in my favor.. soon. And the whole world will stand and watch.

2008-04-13T11:26:00.000-07:00

I quite like the new version of blogspot.. its quite cool :)

To see or not to be!

2008-04-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

How often do we find ourselves hooked on to people and travel that extra(ordinary) mile out of our way to emulate stuff that they like/do/take interest in/detest and so on? Why? Is this human nature? Everything in life starts revolving around that one person – who (thankfully or otherwise) could be of the same make as us! Am I the lone last-man-standing who feels this way?

the past is a present

2006-07-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

the taste of water
the smell of the air
the feel of the wind
and a touch so rare

the compassion of a beloved
the awkwardness so near
the greeting of monsoon
that fills up the hair

a space to be in
somewhere i belong
i look forward to christmas
for father christmas i long

where is the man
the one who incepted me
threw me in the gutter
how wondrous was he??

learning from his deeds
i promise to enrich
compassion in my heart
and wisdom in my feet..

Memories unto death

2006-07-21T03:19:00.000-07:00

Looking down the road, I hear them call
I see everything, yet I see nothing at all
Memories of those cries, behold in my ears
The cool summer wind does not stop my tears

Running away from myself, I look at the sky
Someday I know, I too will die

As I pass the kids, I remember my childhood
Hiding behind trees, carving dreams in wood
Laughing carelessly, running around
Jumping and singing in that same playground

Old memories it brought to me
I too went along, hoping to find that same tree

Memories of my past, linger in my head
Someday I know, I too will be dead

Not bothered about the world, we were like butterflies
Hoping from one place to another
Taking with us sweet memories
Unaware of the thin line that turns them into tragedies

The sound of the car door I distinctively remember
A thousand deaths I used to die
Not knowing what would happen next
Only wanted to run away and cry

Wondering if he would come home each day
Crying, for no fights we would pray
But when I used to hear the car door
The fear in my mind ran astray

It took years to find my identity
Abuses of different kind
Life embarked on a new journey
A journey which was a daily ‘trip’

Memories of my past, linger in my head
Someday I know, I too will be dead

Closing my eyes to reality, I wander on the freeway
Which god is it, the one who’s going to take me away?

Faces

2006-07-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

looking back at the past
there are faces that i see
faces that haunt me
faces that made me, me!!